Commentary:
Even on rough days, let your pits smell like victory! 🙌💪🤣
626 Funny know quotes
Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.
Commentary:
When you finally claim the entire bed but then ruin it with a rogue pillow move 😂🛌💥🦒 #SleepAdventures
Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.
Commentary:
Watch out, world, there's a pro in the car seat! 👶🚗😂
Everything’s under control. I just don’t know whose.
Commentary:
Looks like the universe is freelancing as my project manager! 🤔😂🌌
We are the last generation of programmers who know the deadly feeling of seeing the exact problem in our code, on Stack Overflow, with 0 answers.
Commentary:
When your code problem is so unique that even the internet raises its hands in surrender 🤷♂️💻 #CodeMystery
I celebrate 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions.
Commentary:
Proof that my math teacher was right: fractions can be fun! 😂➗🎉
Is there a word for FOMO but it’s already happened and you didn’t know about it when it was happening?
Commentary:
Sounds like a case of retro-FOMO: the fear of missing out on realizing you missed out! 🤔😂📅
Before you beef with me, just know I’m deeply malicious to my core once upset.
Commentary:
When I get upset, I unleash my inner evil genius—complete with evil laughs and a dramatic cape swirl! 👿🦹♂️💥
(Seeing the guy next to me reading a novel) You know, none of that happened, right?
Commentary:
Wow, wait till he finds out about Santa! 🎅📚😂
Living alone is so dumb, you’ll be asking your pets if they’ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.
Commentary:
Sounds like it's time to train my dog to be a private detective! 🕵️♂️🐶📱