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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

My dentist plays country music, so it’s like a double torture.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

817 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,979

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,979

Updated

15 minutes ago

Users Online

3,417

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

Shared recently on Twitch:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Trending via Threads:

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

Just shared via TikTok:

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Spotted on Slack:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

Spotted on Telegram:

Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

817 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,979

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,979

Updated

15 minutes ago

Users Online

3,430

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

Going viral on Messenger:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

Seen just now on Discord:

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

Trending via Telegram:

Naturally introverted, selectively extroverted.

Shared recently on Telegram:

And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Going viral on Discord:

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

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