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Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

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I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

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There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

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Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

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Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

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Me liking your post is the equivalent of an angel kissing your forehead.

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I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

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Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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501 this month

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Updated

Dec 22, 2025

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Just shared via Threads:

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

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If Halloween is over, then why am I still scared?

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Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

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I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure any more.

Just shared via TikTok:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

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The concept of hot water showers feeling so good but not actually being good for your hair or skin is disgusting.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

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Love it when my brain is like, “You forgot something,” and then refuses to elaborate.

Live now on Pinterest:

I’ll call it a smartphone when I yell “Where’s my phone?” and it yells back “Down here in the couch cushions!”

Home » Funny Mountain Dew Quotes

Funny Mountain Dew quotes

New funny Mountain Dew quotes 👇

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

0

1 month ago

alcoholic, alcoholic beverage, beverage, blood, Blood of Mannaroth, dew, drink, fantasy, green, green drink, humor, i, mannaroth, mix, mixing, mixing drink, mountain, Mountain Dew, nickname, orc, used, vodka

All funny Mountain Dew quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

20 shares on X this month:

Just paid my rent, now I have a warm place to starve in.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m sorry, but I already have an A.I. boyfriend.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

51 shares on Messenger this month:

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

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It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

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A real smartphone would cut you off.

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I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

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I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

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You gotta ask people nowadays, are you single single, mad at your partner single, blocked single or single just in your head.

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Going viral on Snapchat:

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

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Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Going bananas on Discord:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

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It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

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If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

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If you can reach enlightenment, can you also reach endarkenment?

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Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

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Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

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Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

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Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

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Funny Mountain Dew quotes

New funny Mountain Dew quotes 👇

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

All funny Mountain Dew quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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