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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

It’s so beautiful when two real perverts find each other.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Watching “Dirty Dancing” as a teenager: Damn right, no one puts Baby in a corner. Watching “Dirty Dancing” as an adult: This girl is a brat and needs a lesson.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Printers and computers treat each other like they broke up the night before, and you’re their mutual friend.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

I just realized boobytrap backwards spells partyboob.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,530

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

Going viral on Discord:

Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

Just landed via WeChat:

Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.

Going viral on Facebook:

Wish I came with subtitles because I mumble a lot.

Just landed via Reddit:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Making waves on Twitch:

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Breaking via Threads:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Spotted on Twitch:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Funny mt. quotes

New funny mt. quotes 👇

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

2 weeks ago

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All funny mt. quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Reddit this month:

Can’t wait for when we’re all in our 80’s and still tweeting.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m starting to understand the distant uncle.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

If you want people to have kind words when you pass, you should say kind words when you’re alive.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

When you’re a parent, your skincare routine is just the steam from the dishwasher when you open it to find the coffee cup you just needed.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime where you are also the murderer. Following the clues of an idiot.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

One of my biggest faults is that when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Wealthy person who has no problems and also meditates sometimes: Meditation is my secret weapon.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I’ve been asked to join a swingers club, but I’m a little nervous. What if I’m not good enough? I haven’t been on a swing since I was 9.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Spotted on Facebook:

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

Freshly posted on X:

Don’t throw a relationship away just because you don’t agree with their choices, unless they wear Crocs, then it’s okay.

Trending via Threads:

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

Shared recently on X:

The future is buffering.

Breaking via TikTok:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Freshly posted on X:

The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

Going viral on Twitch:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

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Funny mt. quotes

New funny mt. quotes 👇

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

All funny mt. quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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