Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,500

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

Just landed via WeChat:

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

Broadcasted on Threads:

I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

Going viral on Slack:

I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

People in 1999 were using the Internet as an escape from reality. People today are using reality as an escape from the Internet.

Just shared via Threads:

I am convinced that some of you are failed experiments that gained sentience and escaped from a lab.

Making waves on Telegram:

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

Breaking via Messenger:

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Going bananas on Threads:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Freshly posted on X:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

Funny security guard quotes

New funny security guard quotes 👇

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

0

2 months ago

galaxy, guard, guardian, Guardian of the Galaxy, guards, humor, movie, movie reference, pun, reference, retail, retail security, samsung, Samsung store, security, security guard, store, superhero

Someone from 🇲🇦 has recently shared this quote.

49 shares on YouTube this month.

All funny security guard quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Twitch this month:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

91 shares on Threads this month:

That moment when you’re reading but realize you forgot to understand.

59 shares on Threads this month:

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

26 shares on Threads this month:

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts.

96 shares on Discord this month:

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

26 shares on Slack this month:

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

The most romantic minds of our time are being subjected to situationships.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

Just landed via Pinterest:

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

People pleasers aren’t kind. They’re afraid.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Making waves on Snapchat:

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

Making waves on Discord:

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

Shared recently on TikTok:

You didn’t get fired, your job “fumbled you”.

Freshly posted on X:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny security guard quotes

New funny security guard quotes 👇

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

All funny security guard quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨