455 funny think quotes - Page 9 - Wordgag

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May 22, 2026

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

May 22, 2026

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

May 22, 2026

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

May 22, 2026

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

May 22, 2026

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

May 22, 2026

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

May 22, 2026

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

May 22, 2026

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

May 22, 2026

Great minds think alike, but so do stupid ones.

May 22, 2026

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

May 22, 2026

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

May 22, 2026

Your brain needs exercise just as much as your body does. That’s why I think of running everyday.

May 22, 2026

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

May 22, 2026

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

May 22, 2026

Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

May 22, 2026

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

May 22, 2026

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

May 22, 2026

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

May 22, 2026May 22, 2026

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

May 22, 2026

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

May 22, 2026

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

May 22, 2026

Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

May 21, 2026

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

May 21, 2026

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

May 21, 2026

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

May 21, 2026

Oh, I shouldn’t worry? Why didn’t I think of that?

May 21, 2026

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

May 21, 2026

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

May 21, 2026

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

May 21, 2026

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

May 21, 2026

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

May 21, 2026

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

May 21, 2026

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

May 21, 2026

Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

May 21, 2026

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

May 21, 2026

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

May 21, 2026

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

May 21, 2026

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

May 21, 2026

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

May 21, 2026