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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

1023 Funny time quotes

Funny time quotes are perfect for those moments when time feels like it’s either moving way too fast or dragging on forever! ⏳😂 Whether it’s waiting for the weekend, losing track of hours, or wishing for “just five more minutes,” these quotes show how time can be both hilarious and frustrating. Tick-tock, let the laughs begin! 🕒😜

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Some people stay longer in a toilet than in a relationship.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Enjoy the time between diapers!

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Body: Time to sleep. Brain: Hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

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