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Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Έ has viewed:

Festival is when you pay a fortune to live like a homeless person.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡² has viewed:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

I like to push myself out of my comfort zone by sometimes sitting on the other end of my sofa.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡³ has shared:

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡· has shared:

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡± has shared:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ά has bookmarked:

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ή has viewed:

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

Someone from πŸ‡ΌπŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

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Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Making waves on Threads:

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I am a fool everyday, I don’t need a holiday for it.

Just shared via WeChat:

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

Trending via Facebook:

If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Live now on Facebook:

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Reported on Telegram:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Spotted on YouTube:

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

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Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

772 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,934

Funny Quotes Topics

13,908

Funny Quotes Images

10,934

Updated

46 minutes ago

Users Online

3,439

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡΄ has viewed:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ή has copied:

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡» has bookmarked:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡© has viewed:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ώ has copied:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ό has copied:

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

Shared recently on Slack:

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

In hell, you wait for a β€˜verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

Breaking via X:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Making waves on Messenger:

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

Live now on Telegram:

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

Just shared via Telegram:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

Just landed via Discord:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

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