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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Dance like nobody’s watching, except God, the NSA, and Santa Claus.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,526

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

In case no one told you today. I’m beautiful.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Dating is the process of meeting someone until you find out what’s wrong with them.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Notifications are a reminder that you exist.

Trending via Instagram:

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

Breaking via Slack:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

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Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal dilemma of romance: bad boys to fix, good girls to corrupt… and then there's our unconventional friend here, dreaming of a mischievous monkey in a tuxedo bringing him his tea 🐵☕️ Who needs traditional love stories when you can have a rumbustious butler monkey stirring up chaos in the hallway!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Telegram this month:

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m never wrong. Just different levels of right.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

35 shares on Discord this month:

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Tech bro obsessed with “storytelling,” but hasn’t read a book in the last 5 years.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,479

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

Spotted on Twitch:

12 people have been to the moon and only 8 people have won Takeshi’s Castle. Really makes you think.

Making waves on TikTok:

Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

Going viral on Instagram:

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

Shared recently on Messenger:

Figure skating is so niche that sometimes I walk in the rink, and there’s an Olympic medalist there.

Going bananas on Slack:

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Freshly posted on X:

I believe in Bigfoot because Bigfoot believes in me.

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