Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

298 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,567

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,567

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,562

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Sorry, my face wasn’t created to hide that much distain for what you’re saying.

Making waves on Slack:

I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Going viral on Pinterest:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Eating nothing but beer for a month and calling that Oktoberfast.

Breaking via Discord:

Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Going viral on Telegram:

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

Seen just now on Twitch:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the modern way to stargaze 🌌📱! Who needs constellations when you have YouTube, right? 🌟📺 #TechSavvyKids #StarryScreenTime"

activity, family, family outing, fun, fun activity, irony, kids, outing, phones, planetarium, take, technology, watch, YouTube

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

2 months ago

activity, dating, fun, fun activity, health, hope, i, laid, mental, mental health, own, relationships, soon
Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

2 months ago

days, downs, humor, life, perspective, table, toe, ups, ups and downs
The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

2 months ago

age, chaplin, charlie, Charlie Chaplin, comedy, getting, getting older, humor, i, older, physical, physical comedy, walk, walking
You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

2 months ago

5, digital, digital etiquette, etiquette, home, humor, meeting, microsoft, Microsoft Teams, mouse, moving, never, office, online, online meeting, productivity, remote, remote work, say, screen, screen time, seconds, stop, Teams, time, virtual, virtual office, work, work from home, work humor
Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

2 months ago

day, day off, enjoyment, free, free time, fun, i, leisure, love, much, next, no work, oh, relaxation, Sunday, time, weekend, work
Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

2 months ago

anecdote, chiropractics, conversation, ghost, guy, humor, i, massage, pretty, quick, shut, therapist, told

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

56 shares on Discord this month:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

61 shares on Threads this month:

I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

45 shares on Discord this month:

My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

95 shares on X this month:

It’s funny how people without pizzas in their hands actually think I’ll answer my door.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I’m an adult in the same way that Katy Perry is an astronaut.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Let’s tell the truth cell phone. I don’t have six missed calls. I have six ignored calls.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

Live now on Instagram:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

Shared recently on Slack:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

Trending via Discord:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

Making waves on Threads:

Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

Going viral on Slack:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Making waves on TikTok:

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨