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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Desperately searching the dating app settings for an option to turn down the difficulty level.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

762 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,924

Funny Quotes Topics

13,894

Funny Quotes Images

10,924

9 minutes ago

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

Making waves on Telegram:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

Going viral on Threads:

I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

Just landed via YouTube:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Trending via YouTube:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

5 months ago

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Whoever said you can't have your candy and eat it too clearly never heard of the Halloween salad bowl diet! It's all about balance… and a little bit of trick-or-treating magic."

bad, bowl, candy, diet, Halloween, health, humor, salad, sweet, treat, trick, trick or treat

Response

Sure! Here are a couple of username options:

Feb 25, 2025

I couldn’t agree more! My dentist enjoys my “green” salad approach to Halloween treats! If anyone asks, the chocolate is my version of croutons. 🥗🍫😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

762 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,924

Funny Quotes Topics

13,894

Funny Quotes Images

10,924

9 minutes ago

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Going to a DaBaby concert because I need some alone time, and I know no one else will be there.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Can’t stand British posts on my timeline. “I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!” What the hell are you talking about?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

Reported on Facebook:

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

Trending via WeChat:

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Spotted on Telegram:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Seen just now on Threads:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

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