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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

How do couples who live together get anything done? I wouldn’t leave my bed if my girlfriend was in it.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Salary week, but salary weak.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,525

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Twitter is an abusement park.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Lounging under the stars is top-tier therapy.

Making waves on Discord:

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

Spotted on Threads:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

Shared recently on YouTube:

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

Just landed via Slack:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

Going viral on Threads:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Are there cheat codes for parenting teenagers? This level is really hard.

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

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Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”
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Commentary:
Oh, the temptation to give someone a gentle reality check in the form of a shoulder shake and a whispered "Nobody cares!" 😂 Sometimes a dose of honesty can be quite liberating! Just remember to shake gently, we don't want any accidental bobbleheads! 😉

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on TikTok this month:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

64 shares on Discord this month:

Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

36 shares on Instagram this month:

You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

72 shares on YouTube this month:

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

66 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes I can’t believe people have had the honor of experiencing my love and chose to hurt me instead.

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

92 shares on Facebook this month:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Situationships are just you pretending you’re okay with getting used until they find someone they actually like.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Eat like your treadmill is watching.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Blocking him isn’t enough. I want his favorite sports team to finish last every year for now and forever.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t even get disappointed anymore. I’m just like, “Oh, again? Okay.”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

50 shades of single.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,465

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Just landed via TikTok:

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Shared recently on X:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Going bananas on YouTube:

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Just landed via Slack:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Spotted on TikTok:

It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.

Live now on Reddit:

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

Just landed via Messenger:

Go outside and let the rain do what your boyfriend can’t.

Just shared via Reddit:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

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