Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Save money by accidentally forgetting your wallet at home. Follow me for more financial tips and tricks.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,459

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Unsolicited sandwich pics.

Just shared via X:

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

Breaking via Pinterest:

It doesn’t matter how bizarre your situation is. Somebody on Reddit already been there, done that.

Spotted on TikTok:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Going viral on Twitch:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Just shared via Threads:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

Making waves on X:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

Just landed via TikTok:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
As a fully grown child myself, I'm already planning the slime custody schedule 😂🧒📅

boo, childish, fun, having, kid, parenthood, playtime, slime, turn

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

0

2 months ago

airplane, airplane safety, card, credit, credit card, emergency, event, head, humor, inflate, jacket, joke, landing, life, life jacket, over, place, safety, swipe, water, water landing
Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

0

2 months ago

again, awkwardness, embarrassment, humor, i, never, own, recording, self-deprecating, speak, speech, voice
Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, bad, blood, fat, health, human, humor, irony, mosquito, nature, too
Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

0

2 months ago

afford, affordability, dream, dream house, estate, every, house, humor, irony, perspective, real, real estate, wishes
I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

0

2 months ago

appreciate, attitude, back, coming, communication, humor, i, just, rejection, sarcasm, sarcasm quote, where, wish
I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, beautiful, creativity, emotion, everyone, feel, humor, joke, pain, poorly, something, transformation, turn, weird

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Slack this month:

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

61 shares on Facebook this month:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

45 shares on WeChat this month:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

96 shares on Slack this month:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

42 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

“I’m so grateful that so many things are none of my business.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Nothing worse than realising you vented to the wrong person.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Mike is short for Micycle.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

Showing your emotions to the wrong people is like bleeding next to a shark.

Making waves on Threads:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

Going viral on WeChat:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

Breaking via WeChat:

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

Just shared via WeChat:

My AI-generated girlfriend is hotter than your real girlfriend.

Spotted on TikTok:

Wow, you have a very impressive collection of strange tendencies.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨