Wordgag ツ

Why can’t people be tested like watermelons? You tap them on the head and find out whether they are normal or bad.

1 month ago
bad, head, humor, normal, people, tap, tested, testing, watermelon
If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

1 month ago
guy, humor, jokes, lazy, name, parenting, parents
They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

2 months ago
50, body, family, human, humor, husband, observation, son, water, wind
While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

1 month ago
away, comparison, doing, humor, i, irony, life, same, sarcasm, self-deprecating, thing, waste, wasting, witty
Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

4 months ago
behavior, child, child behavior, correct, humor, i, interruption, kid, kids, moment, parenting, yourself
Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

1 month ago
adulthood, aging, bad, convince, eyesight, font, font size, going, humor, just, means, self-deception, size, small, too, trying, yourself

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Bored as hell. Anyone want to emotionally manipulate each other?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.

Live now on Slack:

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

Going viral on Facebook:

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Live now on Slack:

Awesome that January is over, but rude that our reward for getting through it is February.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Why can’t people be tested like watermelons? You tap them on the head and find out whether they are normal or bad.

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

Activity Log ✨

Share Wordgag 🙏

Activity Log ✨

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Why can’t people be tested like watermelons? You tap them on the head and find out whether they are normal or bad.

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Share Wordgag 🙏