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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

(Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,453

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on X:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
As a fully grown child myself, I'm already planning the slime custody schedule 😂🧒📅

boo, childish, fun, having, kid, parenthood, playtime, slime, turn

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

0

2 months ago

chop, chopping, cooking, crispy, delicious, food, foreplay, great, humor, i, joke, oven, peel, peeling, pieces, roast, roasting, where
I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

0

2 months ago

appearing, boss, hologram, humor, i, joke, respect, technology, workplace, zero
If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

0

2 months ago

able, casual, casual dining, dining, dog, dogs, face, fast, fast food, food, hot, hot dog, humor, joke, McDonald’s, order, restaurant, satire, sold, straight, tell, wordplay
If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

0

2 months ago

allegation, allegations, attitude, confidence, enough, fly, gay, gay allegation, hit, humor, identity, joke, never
A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

0

6 months ago

again, back, communication, female, ghost, ghosting, relationship, text, texting, time, waiting, whole
I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

0

2 months ago

awake, grumpy, humor, mood, only, sarcasm, sleep

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Twitch this month:

Not all works of art are in a museum. I, for example, am lying on the couch at home.

66 shares on X this month:

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

93 shares on Reddit this month:

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

98 shares on Slack this month:

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

Twitter is an abusement park.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

Going viral on Slack:

Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor.

Making waves on Reddit:

If you start liking someone, just block them. Follow me for more relationship advice.

Just shared via Messenger:

Kinda rude that your reward for struggling through stuff is still dying at the end anyway.

Spotted on Twitch:

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

Going viral on Pinterest:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

Breaking via WeChat:

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨