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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Sometimes a lover girl, sometimes a dinosaur.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Avocado is just green butter.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Menstruation is bizarre. It’s like something David Lynch would have came up with.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Every few months, the urge to eat buttered toast will possess you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,386

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Girl, I’m bored. Let’s start drinking the daily recommended 10-15 cups of water.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

Spotted on Slack:

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Spotted on Slack:

I hate finishing a series that I enjoyed, because what now?

Spotted on Twitch:

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

Just landed via Telegram:

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

Seen just now on TikTok:

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If I get rid of social media, how will I know what everyone ate for dinner?

Spotted on Reddit:

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

Having a nicotine addiction is basically just adding a new base layer to Maslow’s hierarchy for no reason.

Witty text about nicotine addiction humorously comparing it to Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the modern-day struggle – striving for self-actualisation, yet bogged down by the pesky need to feed the nicotine beast at the bottom of the pyramid 🚬😆. Maslow didn't account for this bonus level of cravings and withdrawals!"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

80 shares on X this month:

Yawning is the body’s way of telling you it has only 15% battery remaining.

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Being shy is so annoying. Why is my chest hurting me, because I need to speak in public?

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Going back on a dating app is the new walk of shame.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Y’all need to stop marrying people who look just like you do but with a wig on.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

In case no one told you today. I’m beautiful.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,685

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

According to my skin, hair, lips, and hands, I am doing Dry January.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Goodbye, August, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Just landed via WeChat:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Just shared via X:

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

Just landed via Telegram:

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

Just landed via Instagram:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Making waves on Twitch:

Your phone is a casino designed to steal your time.

Trending via Messenger:

The lion is starting to concern himself with things he’s been trying to ignore.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

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