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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Panties is such a weird word. Panties. I can’t say it sexy.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

What is it called when you’re smart but everything you do is freaking stupid?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

Trending via Messenger:

Donuts hug you from the inside.

Shared recently on Threads:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Broadcasted on X:

Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

Shared recently on Telegram:

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Just shared via Messenger:

I love routine. Until I’m bored, then I love excitement. Until I’m overwhelmed, then I love routine.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Pro tip: Avoid the news for a couple of days and have some fun.

Spotted on WeChat:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

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Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.
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Commentary:
"Having children is basically like being the president of a frat house – except you can't resign, the messes are smaller but smellier, and the parties never end. Cheers to parenthood, where sleep is a distant memory and throwing up is just another rite of passage!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I was raised to be humble which I excel at cause I excel at everything.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

Smithereens is the worst way to get blown.

53 shares on Messenger this month:

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

43 shares on Telegram this month:

The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

I didn’t really mind the voices in my head until one of them started their own podcast.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

22 shares on Facebook this month:

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

29 shares on Telegram this month:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

How do couples who live together get anything done? I wouldn’t leave my bed if my girlfriend was in it.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I’m late, my song came on at the grocery store.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,385

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

The peace of not knowing.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I liked you too much.

Live now on X:

Oxygen was discovered in 1773. How did our ancestors breathe before then?

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

Breaking via Twitch:

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”

Live now on WhatsApp:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

Live now on Instagram:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

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