Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.
  • My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.
  • The best way to enjoy your tea while the world is falling apart around you is to remember that the world has always been falling apart around you.
  • When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.
  • Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.
  • I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.