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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

The nice thing about wintertime is that it’s darker for longer, so you see a lot less people.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Shoutout to drug dealers for teaching the metric system to Americans.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,301

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

Live now on Telegram:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

Making waves on Slack:

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

Going bananas on Slack:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Ginger ale is the champagne of soda.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

Going viral on Telegram:

The 10 minutes I spend on my mobile before I go to sleep are the best 3 hours of my day.

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

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Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
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Commentary:
"Hey, sorry I'm late, I didn't want to come. Story of my social life! 😅🕰️ #ProcrastinationQueen"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Telegram this month:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

61 shares on Slack this month:

There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

22 shares on Instagram this month:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

49 shares on Reddit this month:

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

10 shares on X this month:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

All income is disposable if you’re brave enough.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, whenever I can easily do some yoga pose, “This can’t be right.”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Have come to the devastating realization that I am an over-nodder on video calls.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,437

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

“Can you multitask?” Yes, actually I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Once you love wide-leg pants, there is no going back from that.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

I hope my email finds you enraged.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

As I’m moonwalking away, they didn’t even notice I had stolen a brownie.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Body by sandwich.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m so toxic, I can fight for a relationship I don’t even want.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

Going viral on Threads:

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Live now on Telegram:

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

Just landed via TikTok:

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Social media may have been a mistake.

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