Trendy Funny Quotes

  • A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.
  • If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.
  • I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.
  • If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?
  • Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.
  • I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.