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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Welcome to your 50s: You’re not attracted to anyone who likes you.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

You can’t spell dyslexia without sexy.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2447 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,609

Funny Quotes Topics

15,283

Funny Quotes Images

12,609

38 minutes ago

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Making waves on Twitch:

The future is buffering.

Going viral on Reddit:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

Seen just now on Reddit:

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

Seen just now on TikTok:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I like my women like I like my glasses: thick, transparent, and uneven.

Just shared via Telegram:

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

Jan 21, 2025

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the anticipation of a mother's kitchen scrutiny! 🤣🍴 It's like a rite of passage, right? Who else is eagerly awaiting the inevitable rearrangement of kitchen cupboards and drawers? 🙋‍♂️ #MomKnowsBest #KitchenMakeover"

advice, expectations, family, house, i, kitchen, me, mom, new, organize, tell, wait, wrong

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2447 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,609

Funny Quotes Topics

15,283

Funny Quotes Images

12,609

38 minutes ago

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Let’s be honest. The best moment of the day is when we take off our bra.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I hope “be the light you want to see in the world” doesn’t refer to Molotov Cocktails.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Reported on Threads:

Me attempting to flirt: So do you like doing things?

Making waves on Messenger:

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

Just landed via Pinterest:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Just shared via Twitch:

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

Going viral on WeChat:

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

Reported on Instagram:

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

Going viral on Discord:

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

Live now on Reddit:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

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