Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Well, at least you can always count on winning that one award! 🏆😂 Who needs a good memory when you have a great sense of humor, right? 🧠🚫😆"

awards, bad, confusion, fact, forgetfulness, having, humor, i, irony, know, memory, recognition, self-deprecation, win

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

0

2 months ago

another, bit, day, frustration, humor, i, irritation, just, little, moan, mosquito, neck, sex, unexpected
Whenever someone says “Per ChatGPT” or “ChatGPT says,” I look at them like they just consulted a magic 8 ball because, please, stop playing with me.

0

4 months ago

8, ball, ChatGPT, communication, consulting, funny reaction, humor, i, just, magic, magic 8 ball, me, playing, please, reaction, skepticism, someone, stop, whenever
Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

0

2 months ago

everyone, existence, human, humor, internet, laugh, smart, stupidity
Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

0

2 months ago

cut, finger, harmless, humor, injury, job, life, never, office, office job, office life, paper, paper cut, workplace, workplace humor
“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

0

6 months ago

humor, just, person, personality, sleepiness, sleepy, times, timing, tired, wrong
I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

0

2 months ago

clean, everyday, everyday struggle, house, housework, humor, i, laziness, laziness humor, lazy, me, motivation, motivation paradox, paradox, procrastination, someone, struggle, want, whole

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

Santa has the right idea: only visit people once a year, eat a snack, leave early.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

20 shares on Discord this month:

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

Wild Friday night, and by wild, I mean me and the other psychopaths at the gym.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

30 shares on Discord this month:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

82 shares on Slack this month:

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

The more secure you want my computer password to be, the more guaranteed I am to just write it on a very not secure post-it note.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

Trending via Pinterest:

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Making waves on X:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

Going viral on Telegram:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

Just landed via Slack:

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

Breaking via Discord:

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Whenever someone says “Per ChatGPT” or “ChatGPT says,” I look at them like they just consulted a magic 8 ball because, please, stop playing with me.

Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨