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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

I like you because we hate the same people.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,665

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

I like when games that have no need for a jump button have a jump button.

Going viral on Messenger:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Making waves on X:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

Seen just now on Slack:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

Just landed via TikTok:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

Going viral on Instagram:

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Just landed via Threads:

“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

6 days ago

Humorous text about shared irritability, featuring witty words on bowel syndrome.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the classic case of the irritable duo – human and bowel, a match made in discomfort! 😅🚽 It's like a stand-up comedy act gone wrong inside you. Can we get a mic check for these irritable buddies? *Cue laughter track.* #TeamIrritable💩

bowel, health, humor, i, irritable, relatable, syndrome, too

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

14 shares on Threads this month:

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

15 shares on TikTok this month:

The older I get, the more I don’t want to do things.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

100 shares on X this month:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

60 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Another Monday that no one asked for.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Being completely ignored on Twitter is associated with higher IQ.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,258

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

Just shared via Snapchat:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

Spotted on X:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

Going viral on TikTok:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

Shared recently on YouTube:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Freshly posted on Discord:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Seen just now on X:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

Making waves on Twitch:

There’s a weird kind of grief that comes with late August, and I can’t explain it.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

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