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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick the one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Nothing like a meteor shower to remind you that burning out can still be breathtaking.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Roses are red. Let’s get some fresh air. Make love in the moonlight. Have a pregnancy scare.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,609

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

Spotted on Facebook:

Another fine day ruined by waking up.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The theory that two stacked beds can’t be converted into two regular beds has been debunked.

Spotted on Telegram:

Adulting is difficult. One minute you’re proud of yourself, the next minute you feel like you’re not doing enough.

Just landed via Reddit:

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

Trending via Slack:

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

Spotted on Twitch:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

2 months ago

0

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'Facebook friend request from a high school acquaintance-turned-senior citizen' dilemma. 😂 It's like a blast from the past meets a glimpse into the future! 👴🚀 #TimeFliesWhenYou'reAcceptingFriendRequests"

age, age difference, awkward, awkward moment, difference, Facebook, friend, friendship, hate, high, high school, i, man, me, media, moment, nostalgia, old, old man, realize, school, social, social media, together

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

0

2 months ago

arrogance, confidence, difference, fun, humor, joke, people, personality, sarcasm, us, witty
“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

0

2 months ago

advice, career, dress, expectations, fashion, good, humor, job, tutu, want, well
You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

0

5 months ago

conversation, got, humor, i, know, left, people, person, talking, tap, time, video, while, wish
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

0

2 months ago

advice, Amazon, anything, consumerism, hear, humor, i, know, need, needs, procrastination, retail, self-care, shopping, today
My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

0

2 months ago

browser, confusion, frozen, humor, i, idea, mind, multitasking, music, open, tabs, technology, web, web browser
If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

0

2 months ago

behavior, cat, couch, humor, leave, lift, pet, pet behavior, Velcro, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

96 shares on Twitch this month:

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

61 shares on X this month:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

Mentally saying “Wed-Nes-Day” when writing the word Wednesday.

16 shares on X this month:

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to hell in every religion.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I am single, please disturb me!

14 folks are currently checking 👀

We need a Disney princess who’s a greedy profiteer, so we can cheer for the poison apple.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,871

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Let’s tell the truth cell phone. I don’t have six missed calls. I have six ignored calls.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

All the clouds have come out to play today.

Spotted on Slack:

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m so talented I can not only spill food on my clothes but I can get it on yours too.

Trending via Snapchat:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Trending via TikTok:

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

Making waves on Facebook:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Seen just now on X:

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

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