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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has copied:

If you donโ€™t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

Yes officer, Iโ€™d like to file a restraining order against my dentistโ€™s appointment reminder system.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ญ has bookmarked:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ด๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฐ has copied:

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ซ has copied:

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡น has copied:

Are you gonna confess your undying love for me or what, bro?

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,366

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

Spotted on Facebook:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Going viral on Messenger:

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

Seen just now on Threads:

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

Spotted on Threads:

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Live now on WeChat:

Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what youโ€™ve done.

Trending via WeChat:

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

Trending via Twitch:

People who ask โ€œCan I call youโ€ are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Working with children gives you so much in return. Lice, for example.

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

Funny text about the surprise of reconnecting with an old high school acquaintance on Facebook.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'Facebook friend request from a high school acquaintance-turned-senior citizen' dilemma. ๐Ÿ˜‚ It's like a blast from the past meets a glimpse into the future! ๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿš€ #TimeFliesWhenYou'reAcceptingFriendRequests"

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Social Media Stars โญ

57 shares on Slack this month:

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Your honor, my client doesnโ€™t like jail.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

Therapy is expensive, getting lost in the woods and never being seen again is free.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

29 shares on WeChat this month:

Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

56 shares on Twitch this month:

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

Men be like, โ€œOk, you wanna know the truth,โ€ and lie even harder.

64 shares on Slack this month:

You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

Going from โ€œI can fix herโ€ to โ€œI donโ€™t care if she lives or diesโ€ in the same beer.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

An escape room, but itโ€™s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and youโ€™re over 40. Good luck!

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

16 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,314

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ด has shared:

Telling my parents they’re like family to me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡พ has downloaded:

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡น has downloaded:

When I tell a joke that doesnโ€™t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฎ has copied:

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has downloaded:

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has shared:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ธ has bookmarked:

The real morning people are the ones that wake up to call radio stations.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has downloaded:

When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Trending via Discord:

The share button on Reddit should be called Spreddit.

Shared recently on Slack:

Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

Just shared via Reddit:

Iโ€™m sorry, but when you call me โ€˜batshit crazyโ€™ itโ€™s almost starting to sound like you think itโ€™s a bad thing!

Going viral on TikTok:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Just landed via Twitch:

Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

Spotted on Reddit:

Can everyone log off? I need some time alone right now.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Life is a highway and Iโ€™m afraid to merge.

Going viral on TikTok:

Nothing is more fake than my friendliness on the phone at work.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

Trending via Messenger:

Snow White and the seven dwarves of the menopause; Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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