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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Great news everyone! The priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

29 minutes ago

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Going viral on Slack:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Shared recently on Discord:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

Going viral on Facebook:

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

Freshly posted on Threads:

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

Shared recently on Slack:

Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Went outside. Touched grass. Got bit by bugs. Zero stars.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Double chins are better than double faces.

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

6 months ago

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

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Commentary:
"Communication is like a rollercoaster ride with me – buckle up and hold on tight because even I don't know where this sentence is going! 🎢😂 Let's embark on this wild linguistic journey together, discovering the meaning as it unfolds! 🤔🎉"

ask, both, clarity, communication, confused, confusion, hate, here, humor, i, idea, insight, irony, learning, listen, me, meant, nonsense, people, same, say, something, time, understanding, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

29 minutes ago

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Please don’t ask me to repeat myself. I wasn’t listening either.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Reddit:

I just come here for the free life advice and inspirational quotes from people who’s lives are complete train wrecks.

Making waves on Twitch:

Worst feeling in the world is when you are loyal to all your girlfriends but your favorite one is cheating on you.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

One week without chocolate. I can no longer hear anything in my left eye.

Just shared via Facebook:

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options.

Just shared via WeChat:

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

Just shared via Slack:

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

Just shared via TikTok:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If you really think about it, extraordinary isn’t that great. It’s just an extra helping of ordinary.

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