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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Is losing your mind a hobby?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Laying in bed with the nervous system of someone going to war.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Losing weight in your 40’s: LOL!

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Self-cleaning conscience.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,736

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Spotted on Instagram:

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Trending via Twitch:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Spotted on TikTok:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

Just shared via Reddit:

Who called it a deep freeze instead of ice-o-lation?

Going bananas on WeChat:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Sticking googly eyes on a potato and introducing him to everyone as my new boyfriend.

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"When life gives you lemons, just tell the motivational speaker to keep them. 🍋🙉 #MotivationImmunity"

humor, i, irritate, irritation, issues, me, motivational, self-awareness

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Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Slack this month:

Me: I have a cut under my fingernail. Universe: Excellent, I will send you an unusually high number of encounters with citrus fruit.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

19 shares on X this month:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

Patience is for beginners. I’d rather freak out straight away!

34 shares on Twitch this month:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Went outside. Touched grass. Got bit by bugs. Zero stars.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

I’ll never salute you, General Settings.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

I put the mess in domestic.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Polar bears drinking Coca Cola is my favorite holiday vibe.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Just landed via Messenger:

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

At least I’m part of the generation that at 30 still looks like it’s in its early 20s.

Spotted on Threads:

I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.

Trending via Twitch:

Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.

Breaking via Instagram:

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Just shared via WeChat:

Yoda, seeing himself in 4K: HDMI

Just shared via Telegram:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Just the owls and I out here enjoying the breeze amongst the trees.

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Activity Log ✨

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

A moth flies into your face out of nowhere. You could ask him why he does that, but what would you do with the information?

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

A moth flies into your face out of nowhere. You could ask him why he does that, but what would you do with the information?

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Third wheeling with two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple.

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨