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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

It’s all fun and games until you send the clapping emoji instead of the prayer hands when commenting on the news of a death in the family.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Anyone know which wine pairs well with societal collapse?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

Updated

54 minutes ago

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

Just landed via X:

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

Spotted on Reddit:

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

Going viral on Facebook:

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

Trending via Discord:

Climbing Mount Everest looks super boring and dumb. You just walk uphill, are cold and at the brink of death. No thanks.

Shared recently on Slack:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Breaking via Slack:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Seen just now on TikTok:

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

Just landed via X:

Not feeling fergalicious today, actually feeling pretty fergusting right now.

Just shared via Telegram:

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a heavy blanket when you can have a cuddly human weighted down with love and warmth? 😂🤗 #HumanBlanketUpgrade"

blanket, comfort, form, human, human form, humor, i, preferences, relaxation, weighted, weighted blanket

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Turns out “YouTube rabbit hole” is not a reliable science degree.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Are cassette tapes considered classical music yet?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

The lack of a pope has got me acting wild.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Watermelon. The fruit that comes with a workout.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Going viral on WeChat:

Everyday is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

Shared recently on Discord:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

Just shared via X:

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

Just landed via WeChat:

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

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Activity Log ✨

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

Remember when movies felt real, and foreheads could wrinkle.

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

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I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

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