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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

I would prefer not to.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Without freedom of speech we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I actually think my version of the lyrics makes more sense.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,382

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Making waves on Snapchat:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no.

Just landed via WeChat:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Trending via Telegram:

I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

Making waves on Twitch:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

Freshly posted on Threads:

In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

Trending via Facebook:

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

2 months ago

0

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like the remote control just became the most important utensil at this table! 📺🍴 Who needs to taste food when you can feast your eyes on some quality entertainment, right? Bon appétit and good luck with your TV menu selection! 😄"

bite, distraction, eating, entertainment, food, good, humor, i, priorities, procrastination, refuse, single, something, take, TV

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

0

5 months ago

bedding, casual, casual speech, drunk, evening, going, humor, just, me, morning, pissed, speech, strip
Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

0

2 months ago

diaper, getting, group, guy, just, okay, people, pooping, ridiculous, son
A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

0

2 months ago

anything, bagel, breakfast, change, coffee, comfort, crispy, hot, hurt, pleasure, simple, simple pleasure
When you’re feeling down, just turn up the music a little louder.

0

3 months ago

booster, encouragement, feeling, feeling down, just, little, loud, louder, mood, mood booster, music, turn
When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

0

4 months ago

age, amazing, bangers, foods, funny observation, generation, i, kid, lame, middle, middle age, morning, music, nostalgia, observation, people, played, supermarket, whole, Whole Foods, youth
Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

0

2 months ago

bored, friend, friendship, humor, imaginary, imaginary friend, left, loneliness, me, note, people, saying, see other people

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Threads this month:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

38 shares on Slack this month:

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn’t read the whole article.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

Trust my gut? The thing that can’t even handle milk.

97 shares on WeChat this month:

Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a day off from myself.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

This is a horrible time in history to be a decent human being.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,262

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m attracted to people that no one pays attention to.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Live now on WeChat:

Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.

Breaking via Discord:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

Going viral on Reddit:

People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Making waves on TikTok:

The word “ugly” cannot be used on women, I’m sorry. Women just can’t be ugly, that’s a boy thing.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

Going viral on Slack:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

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