I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

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Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right douche.

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The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

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If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.