I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

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How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

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My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

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A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

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My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

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How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

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Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

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Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

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Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my train wreck of a life.

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How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

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I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.