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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Making waves on Discord:

I like to notice patterns and do nothing about it.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

Making waves on Pinterest:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

Making waves on Instagram:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

Just shared via Telegram:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Spotted on Pinterest:

No matter how small you make that “unsubscribe” link, I’ll still find it.

Just shared via Messenger:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

1 month ago

Funny quote about a rebellious house cat's humorous attitude and playful frustration.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine being a house cat, living your best life, slapping away confusion like it's a fly in your tuna dinner 🐱💥 #ConfusionBeGone"

animal, animal behavior, anything, behavior, carefree, cat, confusion, front, frustration, house, house cat, humor, i, me, shit, simplicity, slap, understand, want

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49 shares on Instagram this month:

How do you politely tell someone that they ruined your life?

89 shares on YouTube this month:

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.

25 shares on Threads this month:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

Normalize ending a hang-out abruptly by saying ‘I wanna go home now’ and then going home.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

22 shares on Telegram this month:

I love Queen and David Bowie, but why did they steal that riff from Vanilla Ice?

62 shares on Messenger this month:

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

37 shares on WeChat this month:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Sorry for being so cringey and awkward. It will definitely happen again.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Bought some coconut shampoo, but when I got home, I realised I didn’t have a coconut.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Dear Santa, Money!

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

Going viral on YouTube:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Trending via Discord:

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

Seen just now on Snapchat:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Trending via Twitch:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Going bananas on X:

Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

Seen just now on WeChat:

My favorite animal is me when my feelings are hurt.

Going viral on Slack:

Doing taxes for an ant who inherited a teaspoon of sugar.

Seen just now on YouTube:

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

Shared recently on Twitch:

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

Starting a new life today, bye.

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

Starting a new life today, bye.

My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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