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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ท has downloaded:

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor wonโ€™t know which liver to attack.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

I love replying “Need him” when someone posts their boyfriend on their Instagram story.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡น has bookmarked:

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

Money enters like Beyoncรฉ and exits like Britney.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and Iโ€™ll return your call when I get around to it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has bookmarked:

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,550

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Spotted on TikTok:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Trending via Instagram:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Shared recently on X:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

Going viral on Twitch:

Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

Seen just now on Slack:

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

Just landed via X:

Itโ€™s only 9am and Iโ€™ve already ruined my sonโ€™s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Going viral on X:

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.

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Commentary:
"Life goals: eat like a caterpillar, nap like a pro, and emerge from that cocoon looking fly as heck! ๐Ÿ›๐Ÿ’ค๐Ÿฆ‹ #ButterflyTransformationInProgress"

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Social Media Stars โญ

87 shares on Facebook this month:

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

36 shares on Threads this month:

Crying while wearing a backpack has unlocked a new level of humiliation I did not know was possible.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

Currently looking for tickets for the first flight back to the ’90s.

89 shares on Messenger this month:

Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where itโ€™s only me in the vehicle.

49 shares on Threads this month:

I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.

75 shares on Slack this month:

When I donโ€™t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

69 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and Iโ€™m still recovering from that.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

My shadow quit because Iโ€™m too boring.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

โ€œEach to their own!โ€ Translation: You’re wrong, but never mind.

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Having a dirty mind and an innocent face is truly a blessing.

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

21 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Whenever Iโ€™m willing to sell my soul, thereโ€™s usually food involved.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,569

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I donโ€™t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡พ has bookmarked:

Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡จ has bookmarked:

The unemployed urge to say I love you during a job interview.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ด has copied:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

My brain is 80% song lyrics.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ณ has viewed:

I think my new neighbors are creeps. They seem to be looking into my window every time Iโ€™m looking out my window to see what they are doing.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

Accidentally used men’s shower gel today, and I can already feel myself lying for no reason.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ณ has viewed:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฑ has copied:

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has viewed:

I’m lacking vitamin c-ash.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Making waves on WeChat:

I realized being an adult is just feeling too tired to function, and then functioning.

Just landed via Slack:

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

Making waves on X:

They portray Pilates like itโ€™s this cute girly thing and itโ€™s actually training for combat.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

Trending via Facebook:

Sometimes being on your phone all day is your destiny.

Seen just now on YouTube:

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

His voice was like whiskey. Smooth with a slow burn that lit me up from the inside.

Just shared via WeChat:

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If you think voting is pointless wait until you hear about writing posts here.

Just shared via Instagram:

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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