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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

294 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,563

Funny Quotes Topics

17,619

Funny Quotes Images

15,563

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,395

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Just found out that rock bottom has a basement.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

Trending via Messenger:

“Stop talking about old drama!” God forbid a girl and her bestie enjoy their history lessons.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.

Shared recently on Threads:

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.

Going viral on TikTok:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the mystery of laundry time estimation! 🤔🕒 It's like our washing machines are out there playing a little game of hide and seek with us! "Oh, you thought I'd be done in 10 minutes? Surprise, it's actually 30!" 🎉 Just come clean with us, washing machine, we can handle the truth – and maybe a few extra minutes. 😉🧺 #LaundryDrama

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on YouTube this month:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

41 shares on Discord this month:

In the 90s, you’d always find your way to some stranger’s house.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

34 shares on Telegram this month:

Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

32 shares on X this month:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you http? Because I’m :// without you.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

294 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,563

Funny Quotes Topics

17,619

Funny Quotes Images

15,563

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,532

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

The three people who like every single one of my posts are going in my will.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

The reason most of us stay up late is because we don’t want our free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

Spotted on Facebook:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Just landed via Pinterest:

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

Trending via X:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Spotted on Slack:

No offense, fellas, we love compliments, but a compliment from another woman means just a little bit more.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Women will invite you to shower with them, then cook you alive with a temperature of water you didn’t know existed.

Shared recently on X:

Why is it called Christian community and not Holyfans?

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