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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I hope some dyslexic people don’t mail Satan instead of Santa.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,541

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Shared recently on YouTube:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Just shared via Facebook:

Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Making waves on Snapchat:

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Just shared via Threads:

Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

Spotted on Slack:

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

Just shared via Messenger:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

Spotted on Discord:

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

3 weeks ago

Playful quote about washing machines misleadingly estimating time with humorous tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the mystery of laundry time estimation! 🤔🕒 It's like our washing machines are out there playing a little game of hide and seek with us! "Oh, you thought I'd be done in 10 minutes? Surprise, it's actually 30!" 🎉 Just come clean with us, washing machine, we can handle the truth – and maybe a few extra minutes. 😉🧺 #LaundryDrama

chores, feel, fine, frustration, honesty, household, humor, i, just, know, left, let, lie, machine, me, much, need, never, time, understand, washing, washing machine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Twitch this month:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

61 shares on Reddit this month:

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

Requesting the Pink Panther theme song at karaoke and just standing on the stage motionless the entire time.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

62 shares on X this month:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

94 shares on Instagram this month:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,282

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

Spotted on Reddit:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

Live now on Snapchat:

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

Just shared via Telegram:

The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Shared recently on Threads:

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

Breaking via X:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

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