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Oh, the mystery of laundry time estimation! 🤔🕒 It's like our washing machines are out there playing a little game of hide and seek with us! "Oh, you thought I'd be done in 10 minutes? Surprise, it's actually 30!" 🎉 Just come clean with us, washing machine, we can handle the truth – and maybe a few extra minutes. 😉🧺 #LaundryDrama

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The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

1 month ago
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A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

1 month ago
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Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

1 month ago
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I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

1 month ago
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My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

1 month ago
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I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

1 month ago
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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

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It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

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That fight could’ve been an email.

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Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

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We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

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Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

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It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

Breaking via Twitch:

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Just shared via Slack:

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

Spotted on Discord:

Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

Live now on YouTube:

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

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I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

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Activity Log ✨

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The worst part about being an adult is that no matter how sad you get, the show must go on.

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

May the algorithms be with you.

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Incorrectly is the only word that, when spelled correctly, is still spelled incorrectly.

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

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I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

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