Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

I want an apartment so big, it changes the way I laugh.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Parents will give you a lecture about fake friends and then get scammed by their own siblings.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,588

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

Breaking via Twitch:

Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

Just shared via Discord:

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

Seen just now on X:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Trending via TikTok:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Seen just now on Slack:

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

Trending via Pinterest:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

I wish I could physically experience the inside of a lava lamp.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a hot idea—time to get groovy and bubbly! 🕺✨💡

desire, experience, humor, i, inside, lamp, lava, lava lamp, physically, quirky, quirky desire, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

0

2 months ago

alien, aliens, aspiration, basketball, chance, chances, competition, good, hope, humor, i, making, NBA, scenario, slim, sports, weird, weird scenario
Christmas is the season of giving, and I’m giving up for good.

0

2 months ago

Christmas, giving, good, holiday, humor, joke, resignation, sarcasm, season
If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

0

2 months ago

attitude, audacity, days, generation, humor, kids, perfume, sarcasm, youth
I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

0

2 months ago

activity, catch, catch up, humor, i, irony, jail, need, reading, time
Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

0

2 months ago

avoid, elevator, fear, frighten, humor, i, joke, me, pun, steps, take
My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

0

2 months ago

award, award ceremony, ceremony, cleaned, cleaning, dressed, event, funny situation, humor, husband, kitchen, living, living room, room, situation, suit, time, unexpected, unexpected event, waiting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

58 shares on TikTok this month:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

41 shares on Slack this month:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

76 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

Living la vida taco!

11 shares on YouTube this month:

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

48 shares on Threads this month:

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

57 shares on Twitch this month:

Much like an Olympic sprinter, I also load up on carbs, exert myself for roughly two minutes, and then quit for the rest of the day.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

Just landed via Instagram:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Shared recently on Instagram:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

Just shared via YouTube:

Monetizing Twitter was actually the worst thing to happen to this app. Everybody rage-baiting for 23 cents.

Just shared via TikTok:

Is this art or trash?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Going viral on X:

My ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Trending via Discord:

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

I wish I could physically experience the inside of a lava lamp.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Christmas is the season of giving, and I’m giving up for good.

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨