Wordgag πŸŽ…

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ύ has copied:

β€œI’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has viewed:

β€œYou handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡· has shared:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¬ has viewed:

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡§ has shared:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Someone from πŸ‡΄πŸ‡² has shared:

It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡± has bookmarked:

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¬ has copied:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,673

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on YouTube:

You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.

Making waves on Threads:

The tarot lady on my TikTok said that you miss me.

Making waves on Threads:

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Spotted on X:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Going viral on X:

“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

Spotted on Telegram:

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

Seen just now on X:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

Trending via X:

I’m so single right now, I can’t even spell relayshaunship.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

0
I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.
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Commentary:
Well, that would be quite the starch-tacular challenge! πŸŠβ€β™‚οΈ Just imagine the creamy strokes and gravy turns you'd have to master. πŸ’ͺ Swim-a-licious or mash madness, you decide! πŸ₯” #SpudtasticAdventure

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

πŸŽπŸŽ…πŸŽ„ Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Reddit this month:

At some point, I need to admit my β€˜guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

39 shares on Slack this month:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

70 shares on Slack this month:

Discovering the Spice Girls broke up not over money and fame but lesbianism.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

43 shares on Telegram this month:

Parents be like β€œBoys are easier,” and then their daughter has to save the family from ruin.

75 shares on Discord this month:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Maturing is realizing you’re not stable enough to do mushrooms.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, β€œWait till you’re 50.”

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,675

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¦ has shared:

The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class!

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ή has shared:

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Έ has shared:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has downloaded:

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ό has bookmarked:

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has bookmarked:

I’m just a girl looking for another snack.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡© has viewed:

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has copied:

Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡° has shared:

After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ή has shared:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going bananas on Twitch:

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

Shared recently on Reddit:

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

Spotted on Discord:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, β€œI hope there are no emergencies.”

Shared recently on Messenger:

Don’t be sad, laundry, nobody’s doing me either.

Trending via Pinterest:

I woke up alive again.

Going viral on YouTube:

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

Breaking via X:

Does anyone actually know how to pronounce Worcestershire sauce correctly, or do we all just stumble through it and hope for the best?

Making waves on Reddit:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

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