Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!
  • I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.
  • I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.
  • A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.
  • My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.
  • If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.