If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

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A social media post so confusing you turn your music down to read it.

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If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

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I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

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I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

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It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

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All the leaves are brown. And this guy is Greg.

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As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

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Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

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I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

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You don’t know about stupidity until your female friends open up about their love life.