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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Why do babies cry when they are tired? Like, just go to sleep, bro, no one is stopping you.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,374

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

Making waves on X:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

Going viral on Instagram:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

Freshly posted on Slack:

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Making waves on Snapchat:

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Sometimes I’ll drink a ginger ale and eat a Biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a Delta flight.

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

3 weeks ago

Funny quote about self-love and bacon, celebrating humor and indulgence.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I'd probably just spend it on more bacon 🥓. After all, why let haters ruin a good bacon-filled moment when you can savor that sizzle instead! 💁‍♂️ #BaconOverBullies"

bacon, dollar, every, fat, food, humor, i, ID, just, me, money, self-deprecation, someone, spend, spending, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t need therapy, I need a bagel with cream cheese.

36 shares on Discord this month:

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

92 shares on Threads this month:

Work for a living? In this economy?

33 shares on Twitch this month:

As a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends. As an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

81 shares on X this month:

We need a Disney princess who’s a greedy profiteer, so we can cheer for the poison apple.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

That looks like a problem for someone else.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody could stop me if I wasn’t tired all the time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,593

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

There’s a weird kind of grief that comes with late August, and I can’t explain it.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Salary week, but salary weak.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Breaking up is fine, but logging me out of your Netflix is crazy.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Hear me out. A waiting room where the doctors wait.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’ve been thinking. Is ‘fat’ short for anything? Like an old word or something?

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

Just landed via X:

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Hate all political parties and you’ll never be disappointed.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Every CVS has its own unique energy that’s powerful enough to exalt or destroy the individual.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Spotted on WeChat:

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

Just shared via Twitch:

Stop making Fast and Furious movies.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

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