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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar. They didn’t planet that way.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,660

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a boy that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Going viral on TikTok:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

Just landed via YouTube:

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

Seen just now on X:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I’m proud to announce that am winning my fight against sobriety.

Just shared via Facebook:

If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

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If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.
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Commentary:
"If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean it. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood – because who needs luck when you've got wealthy neighbors to share the riches with? 💸🤑🏘️ #SpreadTheWealth"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Discord this month:

Being weird never goes out of style.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

92 shares on Discord this month:

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

Welcome to your 40s: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

10 shares on Slack this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Single, not sure how to mingle.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The real morning people are the ones that wake up to call radio stations.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,576

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Making waves on Reddit:

Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

Shared recently on Messenger:

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

Just shared via X:

One day you’ll meet that amazing person who just gets you, and they won’t text you back either.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

Going bananas on TikTok:

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

Just shared via Slack:

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

Shared recently on Slack:

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.

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