Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I don’t know what’s more fucked: my sleeping pattern, my liver or my bank balance.
  • I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.
  • I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.
  • People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”
  • Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.
  • My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.