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Commentary:
"Ah, the three noble traits of a modern human: yapping for attention, napping for survival, and sneaking snacks at night like a stealthy ninja 🗣️💤🌙🍪 #LifeGoals"

activity, fun, humor, late, late night, midnight, napper, night, personality, snacker, yapper

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

5 months ago

again, annoy, commitment, dead, death, humor, i, ID, marriage, married, relationship, someone, spouse, think, us
Ah, summer. When my non-consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins.

2 months ago

annoyance, bite, humor, insect, mosquito, relationship, season, summer
Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

2 months ago

blood, generosity, give, horoscope, humor, idea, prediction, week
I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

3 months ago

apathy, attitude, care, confusion, humor, i, life, life attitude, understand, works
My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

2 months ago

care, family, humor, hygiene, kids, late, less, management, parenting, personal, personal hygiene, running, running late, somewhere, time, time management
I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

2 months ago

accept, act, clarity, communication, dumb, humor, humor quote, i, irony, me, sarcasm, say, stubborn, stubborn act, stubbornness, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

80 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

I wish I lived in a sitcom, and my friends just barged into my apartment uninvited.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

I wish I was born into wealth so I could have a nice 1-bedroom apartment.

49 shares on Threads this month:

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

People thinking you’re dumb is one of the best advantages you can have.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Hot girl in her 20s: It’s so weird, but I keep getting lucky, and everything works out in my favor.

Spotted on Facebook:

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m a yapper. I’m a napper. I’m a midnight snacker.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Ah, summer. When my non-consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins.

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨