Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
🍏🍏🍏 "Looks like this person's on a one-way ticket to Appleville – Population: Just Me! 🙅‍♂️ Who needs personal space when you've got a pocketful of apples, amirite? 🤣🍎 #AnAppleADayKeepsEveryoneAway"

apple, apples, away, day, eat, everyone, experiment, humor, i, keep, keep away, need, profession, whatever

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31 shares on TikTok this month:

I would like even faster food.

22 shares on X this month:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

33 shares on Slack this month:

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

62 shares on TikTok this month:

Ever since I began sharing dad jokes, my followers have doubled in sighs.

41 shares on TikTok this month:

The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

59 shares on TikTok this month:

Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

Ever since I was young, I knew I wanted to be online nonstop.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A woman’s way of flirting is thinking about you until you get the urge to reach out to her.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Staying weird for my own sanity.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Going viral on Snapchat:

It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

Just shared via Instagram:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

All I know for sure is that I could be wrong.

Breaking via Reddit:

Now hush, Lil Labubu, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be Dubai.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

Live now on Slack:

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

Making waves on YouTube:

Dudes be named Will but won’t.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

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