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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,639

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

Going viral on WeChat:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My toxic trait is optimism.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.

Making waves on Threads:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

Spotted on TikTok:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Trending via TikTok:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

2 months ago

0

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, so now we're taking gardening advice from the flowers, huh? 🌼🌺 I guess it's time for a petal-to-petal conversation! 🌸🌻 Let's hope they don't stem you wrong! 🌱😄

absurdity, conversation, flowers, going, humor, nature, need, speak

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

0

2 months ago

boundary, face, frustration, hard, hit, humor, irony, kiss, know, lips, relationship, say
Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

0

2 months ago

anyone, brain, brain surgery, ChatGPT, else, humor, irony, medical, middle, neurosurgeon, stress, surgery, technology
I think during winter we should also get to work less hours in a day, just like the sun.

0

2 months ago

day, hours, humor, i, just, less, productivity, season, should, sun, think, winter, work
It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

0

2 months ago

bet, humor, i, leg, magic, post, posture, reading, top
Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

0

4 months ago

asking, ever, going, height, humor, man, men, question, ragebait, tall, trolling, wish
I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.

0

2 months ago

another, ask, discussion, frustration, hate, humor, i, meeting, productivity, question, simple, thought, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on TikTok this month:

The sandwich I made for lunch didn’t even make it until 10am.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

66 shares on Threads this month:

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

69 shares on Slack this month:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Halloween is over and most people just keep on being creepy.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

80 shares on Facebook this month:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

81 shares on Facebook this month:

Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Half princess, half menace.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Human hibernation should be a thing.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Next to nothing is a weird place.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I deserve a love so pure that my nervous system can finally rest.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,371

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Dear Santa, Money!

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

I’m a private person except for when I’m publicly trauma dumping on social media.

Live now on Pinterest:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Seen just now on Slack:

You didn’t get fired, your job “fumbled you”.

Trending via Instagram:

Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

Live now on WhatsApp:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Breaking via TikTok:

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

Just landed via Twitch:

There’s a reason you ain’t ever used your phone in a dream.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

Just shared via Discord:

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

Making waves on TikTok:

Don’t fall in love. It’s bad.

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