Wordgag 🎅

Commentary:
"Ah, the trials and tribulations of being a speedy little swimmer in your past life 🏊‍♂️ Now it's all about taking it slow and enjoying the race at your own pace 🐢 Embrace your lazy greatness, former champion!"

achievement, fact, fastest, humor, i, just, lazy, life, recovering, self-deprecation, sperm, still, used

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.

0

3 weeks ago

Asian, Asian girl, company, everyone, friendly, girl, here, humor, tech, tech company, workplace
I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

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2 months ago

activity, heat, humor, i, imagine, irony, outdoor, outdoor activity, shoveling, snow, struggle, weather, winter
(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

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3 weeks ago

Bart, family, guys, humor, i, just, kids, man, parenting, second, talk, told, turning, TV, want
Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

0

2 months ago

blame, clothing, frustration, humor, jeans, mystery, shrink, wardrobe
I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

0

2 months ago

animals, boar, glad, humor, imagination, imagine, insects, knocking, light, nature, only, time, wild, wild boar, Windows
Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

0

2 months ago

choice, horse, humor, love, marry, meet, prince, relationship

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Slack this month:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

44 shares on Slack this month:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

53 shares on X this month:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

87 shares on Twitch this month:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

Once you are able to find humor in any situation, you’ve either reached enlightenment or you’re just a little unhinged.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Social anxiety so bad I wonder if I’m welcome at places I was invited to.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Me: Hello, darkness, my old friend. Darkness: I have a boyfriend.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

Just shared via X:

Why is 4-8 p.m. on a Sunday the most depressing time ever?

Just shared via YouTube:

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

Just shared via Slack:

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

Making waves on YouTube:

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.

I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨