Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Ah, the trials and tribulations of being a speedy little swimmer in your past life 🏊‍♂️ Now it's all about taking it slow and enjoying the race at your own pace 🐢 Embrace your lazy greatness, former champion!"

achievement, fact, fastest, humor, i, just, lazy, life, recovering, self-deprecation, sperm, still, used

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97 shares on X this month:

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

98 shares on Slack this month:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

39 shares on Discord this month:

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

36 shares on TikTok this month:

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

60 shares on Slack this month:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

27 shares on Threads this month:

Obituaries should have clickbait titles.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Social media may have been a mistake.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

A quick shoutout to all of the sidewalks out there… Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Next month is May. May all the money come to me.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

They should invent a way to delete other people’s posts.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Trending via Slack:

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

Just landed via Threads:

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

Trending via Discord:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

Trending via WeChat:

I think we should all try to spend more time online. It seems to be helping society.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Your soulmate wouldn’t do you like that, by the way.

Going viral on Facebook:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Just shared via Twitch:

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

Every time I think I’m cooked, God moves mountains for me. That’s so nice of Him.

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

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Wordgag ツ

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I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

Every time I think I’m cooked, God moves mountains for me. That’s so nice of Him.

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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