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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from has bookmarked:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

Someone from has copied:

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

Someone from has viewed:

All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Shout out to myself for ruining my own life.

Someone from has copied:

Cicadas are all like, “Y’all mind if I scream?”

Someone from has bookmarked:

I think we should all try to spend more time online. It seems to be helping society.

Someone from has bookmarked:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Someone from has bookmarked:

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

Someone from has copied:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

Someone from has downloaded:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1231 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,393

Funny Quotes Topics

14,317

Funny Quotes Images

11,393

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,428

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

Trending via Messenger:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

Making waves on YouTube:

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Going viral on Threads:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Just shared via Telegram:

Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

Just shared via Reddit:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

6 months ago

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Commentary:
Looks like this person's creativity is fueled by road rage! 🚗💥 Can't come up with insults on the spot, but put them behind the wheel and it's a whole different story. Maybe they should start a mobile insult service! 🤣🚦

derogatory, derogatory name, driving, fly, good, humor, making, name, names, quick, quick wit, rage, road, road rage, spontaneity, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share → : I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.
3 months ago
Share → : The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.
6 months ago
Share → : A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”
6 months ago
Share → : The season is back when women are 80% scarf.
6 months ago
Share → : Multitask? I can barely unitask.
6 months ago
Share → : I avoid drama by being unpopular.
1 day ago
Share → : They should invent crushes that like you back.
6 months ago
Share → : I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from has bookmarked:

Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

Someone from has viewed:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Someone from has shared:

I’m addicted to placebos.

Someone from has copied:

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

Someone from has copied:

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

Someone from has shared:

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

Someone from has copied:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

Someone from has shared:

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

Someone from has copied:

Everyone’s a gangster until they turn a spoon the wrong way under running water.

Someone from has viewed:

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Spotted on Instagram:

Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.

Live now on Twitch:

Tired of being the responsible adult. When can I become the irresponsible adult?

Shared recently on Messenger:

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Making waves on Twitch:

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Nobody could stop me if I wasn’t tired all the time.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

Making waves on Discord:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Telling your parents about your problems is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

Activity Log ✨

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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