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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Welcome to your 50s: You’re not attracted to anyone who likes you.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,521

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Trending via Twitch:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Going viral on WeChat:

Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.

Seen just now on Twitch:

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Breaking via Facebook:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

Spotted on WeChat:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Breaking via X:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Adulthood is just saying “it is what it is,” and then crying in your car to a song from 2012.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

“Unc” is short for “unclear.” It’s unclear what it means. “Uncle” is short for “unclear” as well.

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of 'Grumpy by day, happy by dream!' 😴😠 Keep sleeping, friend, it's clearly your happy place! 💤😄"

awake, grumpy, humor, mood, only, sarcasm, sleep

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

0

2 months ago

head, humor, i, music, people, recommend, songs, stuck
I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

0

2 months ago

2, 30, cleaning, hate, housework, humor, i, minutes, over, people, preparation, procrastination, threaten, time
Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

0

2 months ago

activity, advice, basketball, dating, dating advice, easy, finger, fun, fun activity, getting, girlfriend, just, relationship, relationship tips, spin, tips
You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

0

2 months ago

humor, me, mistake, misunderstanding, self-awareness, someone, stupid, witty
Sometimes the voices in my head get bullied by the voices in my stomach.

0

2 months ago

bullied, chatter, conflict, food, head, humor, inner, inner conflict, mental, mental chatter, stomach, voices
Honestly, how women are drawn in a manga is typically (though not always) a good clue for what demographic a manga series is.

0

2 months ago

always, clue, demographic, drawing, good, manga, series, woman, women

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Discord this month:

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

64 shares on X this month:

“You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

86 shares on Discord this month:

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Commenting “humiliation ritual” on a pic of my friend out with his family.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I just stood up without making a sound. Don’t be jealous.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

Going viral on Snapchat:

One thing I love about the internet is seeing some of the most hateful people posting inspirational quotes.

Going viral on Telegram:

Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

Just shared via Discord:

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Just shared via Twitch:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Just shared via Twitch:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

Trending via Slack:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

Going viral on Threads:

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

Sometimes the voices in my head get bullied by the voices in my stomach.

Honestly, how women are drawn in a manga is typically (though not always) a good clue for what demographic a manga series is.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨