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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Sometimes the voices in my head get bullied by the voices in my stomach.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,590

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

Making waves on Discord:

Al guys are like, “We can’t use it to cure cancer, but we can suck all the joy and purpose out of life so that dying isn’t sad.”

Spreading quickly via Discord:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Trending via Telegram:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Spotted on TikTok:

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

Shared recently on YouTube:

It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

Just landed via Facebook:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

Just shared via X:

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about late apologies, capturing a humorous, self-aware vibe.

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Commentary:
"Apologies in advance for my 'creative' vocabulary when stuck in traffic caused by my love for hitting snooze ⏰🤭 #RunningLateAntics"

apology, circumstances, control, honesty, humor, i, late, running, running late, self-awareness, sorry, things

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Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Twitch this month:

All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

65 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

92 shares on Slack this month:

Never cry at the weekend. Cry at work, at least then you’ll get paid for it.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

You should leave your comfort zone and come to mine instead.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

Seen just now on YouTube:

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I woke up extra early today to get in as much ‘worrying about it being Monday tomorrow’ as possible.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

Going viral on YouTube:

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

Broadcasted on X:

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Spotted on Threads:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Trending via Threads:

New year; new me. Just kidding. I’m already awesome.

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Activity Log ✨

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

May the hardest part of your day be getting the jeans over your butt.

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

Remember when a series of unfortunate events was a book and not your life?

Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

Keep the laugh going 😂

May the hardest part of your day be getting the jeans over your butt.

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

Remember when a series of unfortunate events was a book and not your life?

Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨