Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

“It’s been a long week!” Me, on a Tuesday.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,296

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Do people with lip filler know that they look like that?

Spotted on Snapchat:

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

Shared recently on Threads:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Making waves on Telegram:

The gossip in my town is faster than the Wi-Fi.

Going viral on Instagram:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

Spotted on Reddit:

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My hobby is misidentifying dinosaurs so my daughter can correct me.

In marriage, whoever has the cooler last name gets to continue their legacy. Reject tradition.

3 days ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
So if my last name is "Thunderbolt," I'm definitely winning the name game! ⚡😂

cooler, humor, last, last name, legacy, marriage, name, reject, relationship, tradition

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

0

2 months ago

again, chore, done, dryer, forget, forgetfulness, household, household chore, humor, i, just, laundry, pop, procrastination, waiting
Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

0

2 months ago

app, bruise, came, health, humor, idea, invention, mystery, technology, where
None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

0

2 months ago

death, die, existentialism, going, great, humor, life, matters, none, perspective, positivity, weekend
I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

0

2 months ago

came, disappointed, disappointment, expectation, humor, i, leaving, left, observation, reaction, saw, visit
90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

0

2 months ago

90s, cloning, Earth, flat earth, Flat Earther, humor, last, Mars, robot, round, science, scientists, sheep, time, today
Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

0

2 months ago

athlete, cheesecake, dessert, eating, food, humor, i, irony, quark, sad, sadness, whenever

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Slack this month:

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

60 shares on Discord this month:

I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.

19 shares on Slack this month:

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

90 shares on Discord this month:

Men microdose bicuriousness by asking what you’d do for a million dollars.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sending messages is easy. Living with them forever is the hard part.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

23 shares on Discord this month:

No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Memes are the most information-dense form of communication.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Going viral on Instagram:

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Your secret is safe with me because I don’t care.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

Going viral on Snapchat:

The worst part of getting struck by lightning is everyone seeing your skeleton.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

In marriage, whoever has the cooler last name gets to continue their legacy. Reject tradition.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨