Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

We really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Caffeine is not enough anymore, I need to chew on a power line.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,687

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Offering friendship as a consolation prize for a failed romantic connection attempt is absolutely cruel.

Just landed via Threads:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

Just shared via WeChat:

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Ever since I was young, I knew I wanted to be online nonstop.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

You don’t need to explain yourself if you carry a chainsaw.

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
In my 20’s: *devours fast food* 🍔❌
In my 40’s: *whispers to kale salad* "Where have you been all my life?" 🥗✨ #agingwisely

20s, 40s, age, big, deal, eating, health, healthy, humor, lifestyle, oh, realization

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

3

2 weeks ago

car, car repair, carey, cd, Christmas, Christmas CD, fine, holiday, holiday music, making, mariah, Mariah Carey, mechanic, music, noise, repair, terrible
I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

0

1 month ago

8, absolutely, anything, bed, bedtime, before, except, exhaustion, going, hours, humor, i, irony, joke, need, procrastination, sleep, tiredness, wake
If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

0

2 months ago

care, commitment, dating, humor, keep, love, relationship, show, spare
Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

0

2 months ago

alarm, alarm clock, clock, humor, irony, management, means, morning, morning routine, routine, same, sleep, sleeping, still, time, time management, waking, waking up
To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

0

2 months ago

deserve, honesty, humor, hurt, i, just, me, playing, relationships, sarcasm, say, stop, year
Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

0

2 months ago

authenticity, broadcast, bullshit, communication, honesty, irony, whisper

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

88 shares on Slack this month:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

73 shares on Discord this month:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

72 shares on Reddit this month:

Worst feeling in the world is when you are loyal to all your girlfriends but your favorite one is cheating on you.

54 shares on Slack this month:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

I would prefer not to.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Men will ruin your whole life and come back and like your Instagram story.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

The only sunscreen that’s 100% effective is abstinence.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I don’t normally like to brag about expensive trips but I just got back from the grocery store.

Going viral on YouTube:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

Just landed via YouTube:

I identify as Michael Jackson, so my pronouns are “he/hee.”

Trending via Facebook:

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Does anyone actually know how to pronounce Worcestershire sauce correctly, or do we all just stumble through it and hope for the best?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Going viral on WeChat:

Being shy is so annoying. Why is my chest hurting me, because I need to speak in public?

Spotted on Instagram:

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Trending via WeChat:

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨