Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

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Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

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I’ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

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If you’re having trouble finding the match to one of your socks, throw it away and the missing one will immediately show up. Follow me for more life hacks.

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Relationship so bad you start relating to Taylor Swift songs.

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You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

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Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

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These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

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I’m ready to try another planet.

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Another day waiting, and wishing, and wanting.

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Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.