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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Talents: eating!

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

How many exercise videos do you have to buy before you get some results?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

38 minutes ago

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Trending via Instagram:

The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

Going viral on Discord:

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

Trending via Threads:

If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

Spotted on Telegram:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

How are they running out of oxygen if they’re breathing it right back into the submarine?

Reported on Discord:

I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Getting left on read really gives me perspective on what Nigerian princes go through.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

5 months ago

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

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Commentary:
Ah, the mystical incantations of legal jargon! 🧙‍♂️✨ It's like lawyers are wizards casting spells with words instead of wands. 🪄 "Hear ye, hear ye, by the power vested in these terms and conditions!" 📜💼 Don't be fooled by the smoke and mirrors of legalese – it's all just wordy wizardry in a three-piece suit! 👔🔮

authority, convoluted, convoluted language, just, language, legalese, magic, magic spell, power, rhyme, sense, signal, special, spell, spells, term, terms

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

38 minutes ago

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

It can be so healing to stay up until 3am. Unfortunately, it will also completely ruin your life.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

All my life lessons were learned by watching people who took my advice.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

Trending via YouTube:

I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

Trending via Instagram:

Cooking with glasses on is so humiliating. Why did I just get blinded by steam?

Just landed via Facebook:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Trending via Telegram:

Next to nothing is a weird place.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Reported on Messenger:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

Going viral on Facebook:

“Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

College is literally just you, your laptop, and your water bottle against the world.

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