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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¨ has copied:

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

I’m already far too stressed as it is. And then you also have to have time to just sit there and do nothing.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡΅ has viewed:

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¦ has copied:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡³ has shared:

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ή has shared:

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡― has copied:

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡³ has viewed:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡­ has copied:

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,658

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Broadcasted on Telegram:

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

Seen just now on Threads:

Pets can’t talk but everyone loves them. This is not a coincidence.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

Making waves on TikTok:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

Seen just now on Facebook:

If I was ever told to β€œdress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Just landed via WeChat:

Robots eating a bowl of cereal that’s actually a bunch of nuts and bolts, you don’t see that as much anymore.

Just took off my daytime sweatpants and put on my nighttime sweatpants.

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Just took off my daytime sweatpants and put on my nighttime sweatpants.
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Commentary:
The ultimate transformation ritual starts at the waistband! πŸ•ΊπŸ˜‚πŸ©³πŸ›Œ

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes the voices in my head get bullied by the voices in my stomach.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

She’s got style. She’s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. She’s a lady.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

We’re all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

73 shares on TikTok this month:

I wasn’t planning on moving, but I was just invited to the neighborhood fall potluck, so I guess now I have no choice.

50 shares on X this month:

β€œWould you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

No more learning experiences, please, God. I am smart enough.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

Trending Topics πŸ“

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Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Being an adult is spending every day looking at a pill bottle, wondering, β€œDid I take this already?”

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,342

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦ has viewed:

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡± has copied:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

His hands wouldn’t stop talking to me, your honor.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί has shared:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡¦ has shared:

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡© has downloaded:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ή has viewed:

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡« has bookmarked:

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡§ has downloaded:

Chickens only make one sound, because they can’t think outside the bawks.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

Trending via Pinterest:

When someone giving me directions says, β€œYou can’t miss it,” I would love to tell them just how wrong they were if I could find my way back to them.

Breaking via Twitch:

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

Just landed via Threads:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

WFH is so great until you realize you’ve walked about 17 steps all day.

Spotted on X:

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

Making waves on X:

Men be like, β€œThat’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

Seen just now on Telegram:

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

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