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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

So many songs that tell you to throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care, so few about the hazards of ceiling fans.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

785 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,947

Funny Quotes Topics

13,917

Funny Quotes Images

10,947

28 minutes ago

3,428

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

Trending via YouTube:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Just shared via Telegram:

On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Shared recently on YouTube:

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

Live now on Threads:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

Trending via Telegram:

I don’t fight my demons anymore. We collaborate.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

6 months ago

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the timeless feud between humans and storybook wolves continues! 🐺📚 Bet that wolf wishes they had a therapist on speed dial for those lingering nightmares about you. Just imagine the therapy sessions: 'So, Mr. Wolf, tell me more about this pesky human from The Neverending Story…' 😂"

character, childhood, fantasy, humor, imagination, me, neverending, Neverending Story, nightmares, still, story, wolf

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

785 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,947

Funny Quotes Topics

13,917

Funny Quotes Images

10,947

28 minutes ago

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Missionary, so I can look him in the eyes and ask him why Ashley from work is texting him with heart eyes.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

Just shared via Facebook:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Just shared via Reddit:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Trending via LinkedIn:

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

Making waves on WeChat:

Doomscrolling: because who doesn’t love anxiety as a hobby?

Going viral on Facebook:

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

Going viral on Twitch:

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

Just shared via X:

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

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