Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.
  • Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.
  • Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.
  • I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”
  • My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.
  • The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.