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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2267 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,429

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,429

2 hours ago

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Can we call situationships ‘affairs’ again? It sounds more adult and less desperate.

Just landed via YouTube:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

Spotted on Facebook:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, begging for my cat’s attention.

Just shared via YouTube:

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

Spotted on Slack:

Never eat more than you can lift.

Just shared via Discord:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Live now on Discord:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

6 months ago

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters" perfectly captures the electric feeling of savoring those precious 5 minutes of blissful shut-eye before the alarm rudely interrupts the rock concert in your dreams 🎸🎶 Who knew heavy metal could be so soothing to the snooze button aficionados? 😄

alarm, before, else, favorite, humor, matters, Metallica, minutes, music, nothing, procrastination, sleep, song

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2267 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,429

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,429

2 hours ago

3,458

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Just imagine if farting were as contagious as yawning.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Reported on Pinterest:

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Just shared via Telegram:

Imagine being a dinosaur. No work or bills. No drama. Just extinct.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

Going viral on YouTube:

Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Just shared via Facebook:

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

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